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The Downfall of Comedy Part 1
Narrator:'''This is a Story about a sponge named Spongebob Squarepants '''SpongeBob: Are you crazy!?! I was just gonna tell you that your fly is down! Manager!?! This is the greatest day of my life!!! (He jumps into the air, and everybody with him cheering.) Narrator:Sometime later he married sandy and everybody in toonopilis was there (Mrs. Puff is playing the wedding march on the organ. Sandy marches down the aisle in her wedding dress) Priest: Friends, we have gathered here today these two hearts in the bonds of love. SpongeBob, do you take Sandy as your lawfully wedded wife? SpongeBob: I do. Priest: And, Sandy, do you take SpongeBob as your lawfully wedded husband? Sandy: And how! Priest: Well, then, I now pronounce you sponge and squirrel. You may kiss the bride. (Spongebob & Sandy Kisses Eacthother) Narrator:It was the best of times (Everybody cheers) (Duckman Stands up) Duckman:'What are we waiting for? LET'S PARTY!!! Gram Gram:LET'S GET WASTED IN A GOOD WAY!(Everybody gets up and parties)'' Narrator:And it was the worst of times... (Shot of the KK 2 during the evening) '''SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, are you okay? Mr. Krabs: How can I be okay when me money's gone?! All gone! (cries then sighs) It just goes to show, trying to make an easy buck doesn't pay. (notices the printing press) Or does it? (puts his dollar in the printing press and it prints pages of money) Get me some scissors, boyo! It's time to use my imagination! Narrator:When there was trouble he was aways there to lend a hand (Shot the Krusty Krabs. Fish are eating food, Mr. Krabs is painting a picture and Squidward is manning the cash register.) Mr Krabs: Finished! At last. (Shows the picture to Squidward and SpongeBob, who is now at the chef's window.) What do you boys think of my masterpiece? Spongebob: (reading the sign) New business hours: 6 a.m. to 11 p.m. Squidward: (yelling) What? That is totally unfair! Spongebob: Squidward's right. That's totally unfair couldn't we get to work earlier than six a.m.? Like 5:30 a.m.? Or 5:00 a.m.? Or 4:00 a.m.? Or 8? Mr. Krabs:So Other Fast Food Places thinks they can stay open longer than me, do they?.(A customer walks up to him, tray in hand.) Fish: Sure. I don't know. Why not? Mr Krabs: Well, he's wrong! Fish: Oh, o.k. Sure. Mr Krabs: As of now, the Krusty Krab & The Krusty Krab 2 is open 24 hours. Narrator:'''But Later '''Mr Krabs: 51, 52, 53... Squidward: 29, 30, 31... Spongebob: 1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3. Squidward: Mr Krabs, can we please go now? Mr Krabs: Perhaps, one of our more loyal workers can enlighten you on company policy. Spongebob: The Krusty Krab Employee Manual; 2nd revised edition; page 35; section 19; clause 3a states: All staff must remain on the premises until the days receipts are fully accounted for. Squidward: But that's not fair. Spongebob: Clause 3b: The provider reserves the right to be unfair. Squidward: Teacher's pet. Mr Krabs: Let's see...(counts money in register)...5, 10, 25, blue, applesauce. Everything looks to be in order...except, (gasps), where is it? (takes apart the register and searches for a dime) Where is it? S'quidward:' What? Mr Krabs: My dime. Me special dime. The first dime I ever made. I always keep it in the back of the register for luck. Squidward: Well, I haven't seen it. Mr Krabs: Hmmm, are you prepared to say that with your hand on top of a stack of interpretive dance quarterlies? Squidward: Oh course I'm...what are you saying? Mr Krabs: Me? I ain't saying nothing that would matter to anyone who would be able to take a lie detector test! Squidward: You're saying something! Mr Krabs: Heavens to Betsy, no. It's just that me lucky dime's gone missin', and you've been working the register all day! Squidward: Are you accusing me of something? Mr Krabs: Well, the way I see it there are 3 possibilities: 1) You stole it, 2) You stole it, or 3) YOU STOLE IT! Squidward: I didn't take your precious dime! Mr Krabs: Show me your tentacles. Squidward: WHAT?! Mr Krabs: I wanna see every suction cup. Squidward: (squeezes Mr Krabs eyes with his tentacles) Here, here, here. See 'em? Mr Krabs: You, you can't do that to me. I'm your boss! Squidward: Not anymore, Mr Krabs. I quit. (throws hat down but hat falls in slow motion) Spongebob: (gasps) No. Foulmouth: I'm gonna start swearing constantly til my voice box shuts off. (holding his breath til Buster stops him) Buster: Not in front of the kiddies Foulmouth:'''THERE'S KIDS OUTSIDE YOU PUNK I'TS 9 FREAKING PM!!! '''Hamton: Splitting up? Babs: I have a banana split. Wanna split? Buster: THAT'S IT! BABS! All: (gasps) Babs: Huh? USTER: I'm sick and tired of your screwy screw ups. You're always messing things up. ALL: OOOHHH! BABS: What? You don't...? BUSTER: I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU ANYMORE! BABS: (crying and mad) You know what? You're the most unintelligent uncharming guy I ever met. And furthermore...I HATE YOU! PLUCKY: Bad impressions on lover bunnies, huh? BUSTER: Guess what, Babsy? I HATE YOU, TOO! AND WE'RE THROUGH! So...AU REVIOUR, BARBARA ANN! BABS: DON'T CALL ME THAT AND THAT'S FINE BY ME! BOTH: FINE! (both bouncing away separately) Spongebob:Squidward! What are you doing? you can't quit your job! Squidward: Spongebob, I don't need your help. I am ready to unlock my potential. I could be anything I set my mind to. I could be a football player, or a king, or a spaceman. or a football playing king in space...with a mustache. The Next Night A'ndy Yellowtail:' Uh, yeah, I totally am the boss of you. (Walks after him, SpongeBob walks in.) SpongeBob: Oh, what’s going on? (Krabs hands SpongeBob warrant) Mr. Krabs: We’ve been shut down! due for us working overtime. SpongeBob:'OVERTIMEEE?!. (''All the police officers are gathering the Krabby Patties) '''Miss Priss: You missed one. Mr. Krabs: Oh, Miss Gristlepuss, I'm sorry we sold Krabby Patties. But do you really have to send us to jail? Miss Priss: Of course I do. You are a nuisance to my community. Al: You tell 'em, honey! Ha! That's my girl! Miss Priss: Al, what are doing? Al: Shoot that cheapskate to smithereens honey. Miss Priss: Unhand that sandwich at once! (Shoots the krabby patty off of Mr Krabs's hands) Cut to the front of the Krusty Krab where Mr. Krabs is hanging an “out of business” sign on the front doors. Mr. Krabs: Well, old girl, this looks like our final chapter.